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The Only Way to Be Confident

The Only Way to Be Confident

Have you ever had the thought, "If only I were more confident as a man then I would get that raise at work, the pretty girl would give me attention, or I would be able to pitch my business idea and find investors."

Let's be honest at some point in life if you probably had some form of thought along those lines. 

The desire and value of confidence is something spread far and wide throughout men. Sure they might not overtly say, "I wish I was more confident." But the thought is there. 

I think before we get into some practical ways for you to grow in confidence as a man it is important to define confidence, that way we are in agreement on the terms of what you are desiring to attain. 


So, now that we have established a baseline for what confidence is let's jump into 15 ways you can become more confident as a man. Be sure to take into consideration as you read through these points you may be strong in some and weak in others. I suggest you find the points you are lacking in the most and start practicing there! Good luck on your journey!

1} Confident men have a vision.

A man of confidence often has a motivation and determination nurtured and developed through an articulate clear vision. This takes skill and time to develop but is a tangible reality for everyone.

Napolean had a vision, and it gave him the confidence to make military maneuvers that caught the world off guard. He had a confidence that empowered him to do the unthinkable all because of his vision.

You might be asking yourself how do I get a vision for my life? This is a difficult question to answer as every person has a different trajectory for their life. I will say this though; I heard Jordan Peterson say something beautiful on this topic, he stated something along the lines of, "If you don't have a vision for your life, lessen suffering of some form or fashion."

I think that is a beautiful foundation for building a vision for your life if you lack direction. Other essential steps you can take are the following.

  • Write down what you want for your future.

  • Think about old dreams and goals and determine if they need to be let go in order to make room for bigger and better dreams.

  • Start taking small steps towards your vision/dream. This will allow you to see if it is realistic and worth fighting for.

  • Be okay with changing what your vision is. This does not mean making it simpler, no, this just means letting it grow and develop just like you have as a human.

  • Do not be ashamed of what you want.

  • Keep your dreams/goals in front of you, weekly and daily.

This is a good starting point to grow in confidence. The dream and vision you possess are like fertilizer for confidence to develop in your life.

2} Confident men know themselves.

Have you ever be halfway through a project and a colleague or co-worker walks up and questions what you are doing and why you are doing it that way. At that moment you will find out if you are confident or not. 

If you know, yourself and the skills you possess this type of questioning will not destabilize you, but if you are insecure, you may react with anger or frustration. This is a sign that you have room to grow in self-confidence and knowing yourself. 

So what are some ways to know yourself or grow in this area?

  • Put the work in. The more repetitions you do, the more confident you become in yourself and your abilities.

  • Take some time to reflect on what your personal strengths and weaknesses are. This will give you the ability to realistically evaluate yourself and give you the confidence to know when you are and are not capable.

  • Ask your friends and colleagues what they view as your strengths and weaknesses. This will empower you and give you confidence when you start seeing patterns of what is said.

  • Take some personality tests. This will teach you how you think and why you think what you think. This is a valuable tool to use when discover one's self.

These are just a few practical ways that I have personally found help a man discover himself. There are many more so if this is an area you want more tips in reach out and let me know. 

3} Confident men take action.

The difference between a confident and insecure man can be as simple as one takes action and the other doesn't. They may both experience the same feelings of fear, apprehension, or anxiety. Yet, the confident man does not let that hold him back. Whereas the insecure man does. 

Confident men take action on a daily basis. This allows them to put the repetitions in to learn that fear, anxiety, and the unknown are all normal feelings that every human experiences and is confronted by. Strengthening the muscle of action empowers you to push through and keep moving forward. 

Here are some practical steps to help you take action daily to help you grow in confidence as a man.

  • Make your bed.

  • Have a workout routine.

  • Do something you don't want to on a regular basis.

  • When you feel fear or anxiety ask yourself why and then if possible make yourself push through it.

  • Create tangible daily projects that build towards your desired goal.

  • Ask yourself if the cost of inaction is worth it.

Those are some simple ways for you to get started on your journey. Do not overwhelm yourself with unrealistic expectations. In order to do this for the long haul, you need to make sure you break things down into simple daily or weekly steps, so you do not burn out. 

4} Confident men have failed.

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
― Stephen McCranie

If you have ever tried to learn anything new, heck if you have tried to learn how to ride a bike, quickly you will realize that in order to attain your goal you will need to be okay with failure. This practical truth is so potent and impactful. If you can stomach this and put it into practice, you will inevitably become a more confident man. 

Men who are able to accept the fact that they will fail can break the power of shame that holds so many humans back from ever trying or attempting to attain the desired goal. When you can embrace failure as proof of action, you will become a more confident man.

Here are a few ways to help you stomach failure. 

  • Be self-aware this will allow you to know when you are letting shame hold you back.

  • Ask yourself if you are not trying something because you are afraid of failing. If this is true ask yourself why you are scared. This will usually disarm the power it has over you.

  • Force yourself to do things that you are horrible at. Learn a new sport, try a board game for the first time, or start a new hobby that you have no knowledge in. This will get you used to not being good at something which lessens the pain of failure.

If you are able to put those few steps into practice, you will be well on your way to being a confident man who is okay with failure.

5} Confident men take care of themselves.

Have you ever met a confident man that had lousy hygiene, was grossly unhealthy, and just possessed a mountain of self-hatred? I doubt it...

A breeding ground for confidence in your life comes from a place of self-care. Confident men take care of themselves because they have self-value. This perpetuates and stimulates self-confidence and growth. On the front end starting this snowball effect may seem daunting but do not let that stop you. Here are a few practical ways you can start taking care of yourself today. 

  • Work on personal hygiene. Brush your teeth, take a shower, clip your fingernails, and/or get your hair cut.

  • Eat healthier food. Start researching what this would look like and find out why it is crucial.

  • Pursue passions or hobbies that make you happy.

  • If you are in a toxic environment at work or where you live, start to make plans on how to get out.

These are some great tips on how to get a jumpstart in the arena of self-care. Once you start going down this path, you will begin to see more areas where you can take care of yourself better. The important thing is to keep doing it! It is a journey, not a one-day event.

6} Confident men push themselves.

Have you ever met an athlete or businessman who has taken an insane risk that just baffles you? It is as though their self-confidence is out of this world! Well, that type of confidence in men comes from the constant pursuit and action of pushing one's self to new limits. 

They did not just wake up one day being able to do that. NO! It was through the constant practice of pushing one's self to new limits. The acceptance of discomfort as a reality, not an inhibitor. 

"Reach for it. Push yourself as far as you can."
- Christa McAuliffe - 

So, you might be asking how can you practically start pushing yourself to new limits? Well, you are in luck I am gonna give you a few pointers. 

  • When you feel uncomfortable, don't run away finish what you were doing.

  • Do the difficult task first.

  • Face one fear a week. Big or small facing a fear will push you to new limits. It could be asking a girl out or going skydiving.

  • Ask yourself why you limit yourself. Dive deep and look into how much you are holding yourself back.

  • Monitor where you have come from. This will encourage you that growth is possible. For example say you start running three times a week. When you start, you probably will suck, but after a few months, things will be different. If you do not know where you came from it will be hard to keep pushing.

7} Confident men think positive.

A confident man is able to think and focus on the positive. This doesn't mean he ignores or is ignorant of the negative realities that exist. He is just able to decipher that which is positive and negative and focuses in on that which is beneficial to his mental health. 

Focusing in on and obsessing with the negative realities that exist helps no one. Confident men can see the positive, hone in on it, and allow it to empower them to make bold decisive decisions. 

A practical example of this would look like this. A man is out for a run, as he gets a few miles in his body starts to tell him he better stop, he begins to feel his muscles get sore, and shortness of breath. If he were to focus on the negative this man would give up then and allow these realities to stop him from growing and attaining his goal. Whereas a confident man would acknowledge the pain, realize it is not a critical problem, and refocus on his intention of running for 10 minutes longer because he knows this will help him become a stronger runner.

Having the ability to acknowledge negative but focus on the positive is a skill I have observed confident men have. So how you can you focus on the positive more? Well, wouldn't you know it I have a few practical tips for you!

  • The first step is being able to know when you are focusing on the negative. So when you feel stuck or insecure about something ask yourself if you are focusing on the negative. If so adjust your thoughts appropriately.

  • When faced with a difficult situation write out all the positive things that will be the fruits if you choose to keep moving forward.

  • If you particularly struggle with this, I would suggest three to five times a week read out loud the positive things in your life. This will train you to start looking for the positive in life.

8} Confident men are generous.

A confident man knows that he has something to offer and is aware of when to give it. Sure, not all confident men are generous, but it is an attribute of some confident men. 

Think about it this way, a man who is not confident in his ability to produce income or take care of himself will not believe he has anything to give. 

I do not have much to say about this category entirely but here are a few tips on how to become more generous. 

  • If you do not have extra money, find a non-profit to donate your time to.

  • Find an elderly neighbor or family member who could use some help around the house and donate some of your time to them.

  • Google and research ways to become more generous.

  • Start small. Buy a friend a drink, or a stranger a coffee. When you do this make sure you don't expect anything back and just smile.

  • Know what you can and cannot give. If you have lots of time but not money give your time, if you have more money than time, figure out ways to give that away.

Small acts like this will help you build self-confidence and strengthen your muscle of generosity. Generous people leave a lasting impact on society and others lives. This is a great attribute to possess as a human being. 

9} Confident men are open to learning.

A man who is open to learning is a man who is confident in himself. Why? Because in order to learn you need sobriety to the reality that you don't know everything. Thus being able to admit when you are wrong and when you do not know something. 

Men who can say, "I don't know, will you explain this to me?" Display an aspect of confidence that can be undervalued. Sure some confident men also know that even though they do not know something they know how to figure it out. I just want to highlight and show you that being able to say you don't know something, and take the time to learn about it shows confidence. 

In consequence of being open to learning and asking for help, you become a well-rounded man who is continuously growing in knowledge. This perpetuates your character and value as a man.

If you want to become more open to learning here are a few things you should keep in mind.

  • You don't know everything.

  • When you don't know something, it is okay to admit it. This does not display weakness.

  • Start to live by the rule, "The day I stop learning is the day I die." This is a valuable and powerful way to fight arrogance.

  • When you catch yourself acting like you don't need help and you know what the other person is talking about, ask yourself why and if you should adjust something.

  • Ask for advice when you are stuck with a problem. Say you have been working on a mechanical issue on your car for hours, why not call your buddy up and see if he has any pointers or tips.

I am sure if this is an area that you struggle with there are other ways you can develop in this area. Just like riding a bike this takes some practice so give yourself some grace and slowly work at it. 

10} Confident men don't need to be heard all the time.

Have you ever been at a social gathering, or a family event and over in the living room there is an older man just chilling, entirely content with just sitting in silence as the chaos of the social gathering ensues around him. He does not have a need to be noticed or heard. 

Or in a business meeting, often times the person who is silent until the very moment when they need to speak is listened to with much higher regard than the blabbering know-it-all co-worker. Why is that? Because the composed man who knows when to and not to talk is a man of confidence, the none stop talker can in situations just be an insecure man who doesn't know how to handle silence or not being heard. 

So, if this is an area of life that you feel you have an opportunity to grow in here are just some starter tips on how to become more confident as a man who doesn't need to be heard all the time.

  • The next time you are in a social or business gather, just be silent. I mean talk to people, ask questions, and engage. But, only say what needs to be said... NO HAMBURGER HELPER. Like, don't add a bunch of fluff to the conversation.

  • When you feel yourself blabbering more than a teenage girl ask yourself why you are doing so. Is it because you are insecure? Does silence make you uncomfortable? Why?

  • See how long you can go without having to say something. Make it a game.

  • Observe how people react when you only say what needs to be said.

These practical pointers should get you going down the path of development in self-confidence when it comes to when and when not to speak. This can be a powerful tool to use in business and life in general. I hope you put it to use.

11} Confident men are perseverant.

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." 
~ Samuel Johnson ~

A man of great impact is a man who is perseverant. In the I-want-it-now western culture, many of us are immersed in; perseverance has become an undervalued commodity. There are many who have financially benefited merely because they just chose not to give up. Many of the men that have impacted and inspired me have possessed the golden quality of perseverance. 

This attribute is grown and developed through to main factors.

  1. Having an articulated vision for what they want in life.

  2. The hunger to see the vision fulfilled.

Finding that vision and hunger can be difficult but the more you fight for it, the more perseverant and devoted you will become. In some ways, you start to become obsessed. To grow in perseverance here are some useful suggestions that can start you on your journey.

  • Finish what you start. Like, make it a personal rule that you stick by. This also means you don't start things you are not willing to finish.

  • Start with simple things that you do all the way through. Maybe it is building a bookshelf, or reading a book. Get small wins and slowly grow in what you are challenging yourself to do.

  • Focus on and develop your vision, the more you see, taste, and can hear the desired outcome you will be able to push through discomfort.

  • Get around other people who are perseverant.

If you do these simple suggestions, I know your life will slowly start to shift for the better.

12} Confident men ask questions.

This one ties together with point #9 & #10 so make sure you check those out.

How does asking questions show confidence? Because if you ask questions, you are showing that you do not have a need to be heard and you are open to learning. It also shows interest and engagement. You are present in that moment rather than consumed by what is going on in your headspace. The ability to ask good questions presents you as a confident individual. This is a subtle confidence, and most don't overtly pick up on it, but it is a contributing factor to confidence.

So, the next time you feel yourself wanting to disengage from a conversation or want to systematically destroy some naive youngling in a heated argument force yourself to ask a question instead. 

Here are a couple of methods you can use to increase the ability to ask questions.

  • This is one of my favorites ask this, "What do you mean?"

  • When someone makes a statement, and you are not entirely sure what they just said ask them to clarify or say it differently.

  • Rather than making a statement that will make you sound intelligent, ask a question instead.

  • Observe and see how people act differently around you when you choose to ask questions rather than make statements.

Try these out. You may succeed or fail. That is okay as long as you ask yourself why and learn from your experiences. Then rinse and repeat. 

13} Confident men are not people pleasers.

There is a difference between a man takes care of those whom he loves and those whom he wants to control. A people pleaser is out to control those around him, a man who has empathy is out to love those around him.

A man of confidence is consumed with empathy. He knows when there is someone in need around him and he takes action. He is okay with if everyone does not like him, or think he is the best thing since sliced bread. 

Practically this looks like a man who has a business with an amazing vision when his employees start to get jealous of the revenue the company starts to bring in he notices this and clearly communicates his expectations of his employees what they have agreed to contractually, even though this may not make them happy, there is a mutual respect because the boss displayed his confidence by confronting the issue head-on and did not waiver. 

Here are some stupid natural ways to fight being a people pleaser. 

  • Do a self-audit. See if you find yourself changing your stance on issues or beliefs when different people are around. This is a golden sign that you have some people pleaser in you.

  • The next time you are around someone who you dislike ask yourself why you try to make them like you. Is it because you want to control them? Or is because the situation calls for it.

  • Learn how to say, "No." This will be a powerful tool when killing the people-pleasing side of yourself.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. This one needs to be done tactfully. Don't go around yelling at people the second you realize you don't like them. This point is for men who struggle with being pushovers and people pleasers. You have what it takes to grow in this area, just take your times and acknowledge each victory as they come.

14} Confident men are not agreeable.

A confident man knows when to stand his ground. This means at some points in life that he has to say no, or not go with the crowd. This is built on the last point of not being a people pleaser. A confident man is a man of conviction and sticks to it. Other perceive this as confidence and strength. 

History is painted with the blood of men who chose to stand for their convictions. Some died, and some lived. I mean think about Martin Luther and his 95 theses. He stood against a huge organization by being disagreeable. 

So, to grow in confidence becoming a man who is not always agreeable should be on your list. Here is how you can do so. 

  • Have values and morals to live by. Stick to these.

  • Be willing to stand up for what you believe in.

  • Know when to say no.

  • When you disagree with someone, say so politely.

  • Develop and grow your self-worth. This will empower you to stand up for yourself in hard times.

At this point, it is still important to have respect for other human beings while practicing being disagreeable. There will be times when you go too far, and you will need to practice self-awareness during this process, but do not let this hold you back. I am not commissioning you to be an ass-hole, no, I am empowering you to live with conviction and fervor. Good luck. 

15} Confident men know how to listen.

A man who is confident in himself has learned how to listen intently to those speaking. He is not insecure about the need to be heard. No, he listens intently, asks questions, and engages in conversation. 

He has bold engaging eye contact, and inviting body language. He is able to make any other human feel heard and important. When you are secure in yourself listening comes naturally because the spotlight does not always need to be on you. 

Here are three ways for you to grow in becoming a better listener. 

  1. Ask engaging questions.

  2. Don't allow distractions to stop you from listening. Actively engage in eye contact and do not let a TV or Cell phone impede this.

  3. Repeat back to the person you are talking to what you heard them say. This will indicate to them that you are listening and care.

If you practice those three simple steps your listening skills will highly benefit. I hope you put them to good use.

Author: The Man Effect